Her

There was once a chance I didn’t take, and today I wonder what if… There were so many chances I didn’t take, but why this one? Why does this one keep me awake at night? Of all that chances I didn’t take, this is the one that burns my skin, and penetrates my bones. This is the one that violates my mind each night with what-ifs and maybe’s. This is the one that changes my pulse, and leaves me vulnerable to… anything.

There was once a chance I didn’t take, and now it is the wishful thinking and would-haves that keep me alive. And, of all the chances I did not take, this is the one that hollows my insides, and flutters in my gut. This is the one that no spring rain, or years of stubborn aging can fade. This is the one chance I didn’t take and couldn’t forget:

When the cool breeze, that one fall morning, carried her wondrous laughter to my ears… I was no longer sane. That morning I had gone mad with love, I had begun my long fall into it. It was true because when she smiled at me, I knew she had lost that same part of her to me. Our hearts took flight without us realizing it, until it was too late. Then before we knew it, our fingers were laced into each other, and soon after our lips met. And, we danced… and danced… and danced.

But when that cool breeze, turned to spring. The earth’s beginning became our end, and the bitter-sweetness of it all left me breathless. One moment her hand warmed mine, her lips mine, our hearts were children at play, and the next… she was gone. The spring petals showered around me, like pink rain, but they could not hide her from me. Her empty expression… as they carried her away. As they bound her in a wedding gown, and broke her under the weight of empty vows…

There was once a chance I did not take, and it is this that haunts my soul. It is this that slices my insides in halves. It is this that makes me wish… and it is these empty wishes that keep me alive. This is the one chance that I did not take, that I cannot forget. This is the one thing I denied her. This is the one this that makes my eyes sting with sour tears. This is why I still breathe. She is why I still breathe.

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